Please, Just Stop It
The following is a job posting I happened upon:
We have a unique idea for a web app in an emerging niche market. Over six months of research, planning and projecting in a full business plan and detailed project plan. And a background of success with startup & mid-stage web companies.
We are seeking a talented individual to join our team as a technology consultant/lead programmer. Initial duties will be to understand the project, breakdown technical requirements, estimate project scope and begin development on the prototype.
Long term/equity partnership would be the end goal. Open to hourly rate or per phase basis until both sides are comfortable. Basic non-disclosure agreement will be required.
Please contact me with resume/technical expertise and any relevant work examples and I will provide additional details to qualified candidates.
There are just so many things that bother me about this job posting. I am not going to reveal where I found it. Indeed, where I found it is the only thing I could possibly divulge, as the post tells me nothing else. Just for fun, let’s break it down.
We Have an Acute Ability to Be Vague
We have a unique idea for a web app in an emerging niche market.
Really? My mom had one the other day, too. You know, so did my neighbor. And that kid down the street that is always re-enacting dances from High School Musical 2. Hmm, should I start hiring people?
We Really Covered Some Stuff Last Semester
Over six months of research, planning and projecting in a full business plan and detailed project plan. And a background of success with startup & mid-stage web companies.
“We, unfortunately, did not have the time to look into effective communication, let alone effective job postings. This job will sell itself, because of the vague, buzzword filled posting. I mean, the word ‘lead’ is good for, like, hundreds of applicants.”
We Hope Someone Does Our Work For Us
We are seeking a talented individual to join our team as a technology consultant/lead programmer.
Dude, you should see me kick ass at beer pong this Saturday night. Now that’s talent! If you want, I can also show you my Guitar Hero III skills. Rock on!
Initial duties will be to understand the project, breakdown technical requirements, estimate project scope and begin development on the prototype.
What happened to the six freakin’ months of research and planning? Actually, maybe it is a good thing that you want to hire an actual developer to tell you how long the project is going to take. I take back this particular criticism – but I’m watching you.
We Can Pay in McDonald’s Monopoly Pieces!
Long term/equity partnership would be the end goal. Open to hourly rate or per phase basis until both sides are comfortable. Basic non-disclosure agreement will be required.
Wait. Hold the freakin’ phones. That first sentence is suspect. Are you trying to say, in the most mealy-mouthed, my-dad-is-a-congressman way that you would trade equity in the business for work? I’m confused, because then you talk about an hourly rate, or a ‘per phase’ plan. Also, in this non-disclosure agreement, can I tell my girlfriend in what city I work? So far, I’m not even sure if there’s an actual job, or if we’re going to brainstorm over coffee.
We Have Secrets. You Want Them.
Please contact me with resume/technical expertise and any relevant work examples and I will provide additional details to qualified candidates.
How do we know what is relevant?! How?! Tell me. Here is where the problem lies: your job posting is so vague, that you are going to receive vague, diluted resumes that will probably be depressing, for you. Guess what? You’ve done it to yourself. I would not consider myself a prize programmer, by any stretch of the imagination, but I wouldn’t freakin’ apply to this damned post. It sounds more like a resolution from Congress than a job. (You know, those things they past that mean next to nothing? No, not laws, but close.) If I had to guess, I would say that most quality programmers who have the skill and experience needed to be your lead would never apply for the position.
It’s Way Web 2.0!
In other words? You’ve failed before you have even started.